She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
