TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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