so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
