Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
