where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He better not be in your backpack
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
