no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
