Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
