she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
