I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
