so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
