i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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