Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize