it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
