Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize