I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
