i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
