I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
