I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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