Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize