I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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