I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize