This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
