Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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