youre lurking in front of me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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