I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
