even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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