soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize