i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
