Yo dont text me then not text me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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