i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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