it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
