please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
