We're facebook friends in real life
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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