I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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