Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
