I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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