There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
