Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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