"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
