It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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