Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
