One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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