In America we eat man semen.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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