Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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