Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just sent this text using only my big toe
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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