So gin and wine won't be happening again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
