just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I deserve this hangover.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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