are you still at the devil's house?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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