I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize