I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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