let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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