this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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