just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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