My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
