Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
