Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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