At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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