My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
