He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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