who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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