she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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