That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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