Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
