Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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